Two photographs to choose a single profile picture. Which one will it be? I ruminate. What will they think? What does this image make me, be?
I give the choice too much importance. I don’t. Because the photos might seem similar to you. The same, even. But in their dialogue manifests Me. What guides my actions, my indecisions, the way I hold a conversation.
One is the model, the other, the friend. One is trying to be hot, the other, human. One is the facade I put on, the other is how I see myself. One is trying to jump above everyone’s expectations, the other says take me or leave me. One is the past, the other the present and the future. One looks at me as another person, saying, I’m hurt, I’m broken, come fix me. The other smiles in agreement, looks beyond the camera, sans flinching.
The choice is important. Because the choice is me.
My face is not symmetrical. One eye is smaller than the other. But I'll quit finding the angle. Stop trying to get everything right. Because I'd rather be human than someone admired.
But I've said too much. There's something about vulnerability that still drives me nuts.